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Friday Freedom: A Step to Something (un)New

November 1.

Today is the day most people celebrate their loved one who have passed away and I, along with countless other people, are going to celebrate their dearly departed. As a way to keep track of myself, for something that I have never really been comfortable with sharing, I am starting something new today. I have fully committed to losing weight for myself and for my cousin’s wedding for the next year. See here’s the thing. I used to be an athlete– a swimmer, specifically– I entered swimming because I needed a way for me to lose weight during that time. When I started to seriously train, I started the summer before 3 year of high school started, and in the span of a year, without seriously watching what I ate, I was able to move from weighing in at 155 to 136 pounds. Though to me, every time I looked in the mirror I still saw myself as someone who was still 155. I just noticed the fact that I lost weight through the pictures that I saw much later on. 

Now, sad to say, I am standing at 5’5″ weighing in at 175. The opposite thing happened to me when I stopped swimming and entered college. I stopped because of academic reasons, I didn’t have enough time for it anymore. So I stopped. That was a wrong move. What was wrong was that after swimming, I didn’t go to the gym. Or choose another sport. I thought I would remain the same weight since my metabolism had adjusted to swimming anyways. I should have known. I should have known that my metabolism had adjusted. So had my appetite. I was eating the same but not burning the same amount of calories. Now, I am here. I just realized that I had let myself go too much and now, it’s time to take control. Of my academics, sports, extra-curriculars in school and, my weight. I had been looking over my pictures when I was in high school and my pictures now that I am in college. I have grown immensely. I can see rolls of fat in pictures. When I look in the mirror I still see at the very least a 155 pound girl. 

I’m starting something new. Today. I started eating right. Eating healthy. Since last night was halloween, I celebrated my last day of unhealthy eating by consuming cookie dough.

I’ll update tonight, and I will try as much as possible to update every night on what I ate and how I felt. It will be my own experiment on myself. Of course, knowing myself, I will want to fall by the wayside and cheat but I have asked my neighbor and one of my closest friends, Mae to keep an eye on me. Seeing as we live so close to each other and we are quite close compared to my other friends, I know I can trust her. Also, she was one of my honest friends who told me that I was gaining weight. It was a surprise for her because she saw me at my thinnest and happiest. 

I guess I have been in denial for awhile. This is me taking a step to a better and happier life. I am overweight and I am taking back control of my life.

To quote Blair Waldorf, “Destiny is for losers. It’s just a stupid excuse to wait for things to happen instead of making them happen.” I’m going to make it happen. 

Love Always, 
Jaymee